Marketing Emails

Help! I’m trapped inside this junk folder!

Oh dear. What happened, little email? Or long email I should say, looking at the size of you!

Well, I was going to do the business for my boss, I really was. I was going to get him loads of clients. But now I can’t. I’m stuck here, until they empty their junk folder. Then I’ll be history. I’ve messed up for my boss, big time. I blame myself.

That’s tough, marketing email, but don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s not your fault.

Yes it is, I didn’t do what all marketing emails should do.

Which is?

To get people interested so that they reply to me.

I blame the parents.

What do you mean? You leave my Mum and Dad out of this.

Your writer then. Who wrote you?

The MD of Care-O-Pedic Shoes ltd. He wrote me carefully so I would work hard and bring him a 2%-5% return.

Very sorry, but he didn’t write you well.

He didn’t?

No. You need to be short and to the point, and you’re not. You’re long and rambling. You don’t offer key sales points. You don’t speak in the right way. And you needed a much better subject line than ‘Amazing shoe deal of the century.’

But it IS an amazing shoe deal.

Yes. But you didn’t get it across.

What do you mean?

Well, who did they send you to?

Who? Everybody on the database.

What’s the database? Is it a list of people interested in buying shoes?

No. It’s small businesses they know, and lots that they don’t.

Well, marketing email, let’s get you out of there and get you all rewritten, shall we?

Oh great. Brilliant. Thank you very much. And while we’re talking-

Yes?

Can I interest you in the shoe deal of the century?