Got a great looking e-newsletter the other day, from
a reputable magazine company. Vivid pics of
autumn leaves in brown, yellow and red. And
the headline? Something along the lines of
"Experience autumn's beautiful hews (sic).
I got in touch to point out the error. The customer
communications executive who replied to my email
thanked me for my comments before adding: "it appears
we have made a slight error on this one occasion."
Slight error? Or major error? Did it really matter?
What do you think?
July 30, 2007
OK you lot - I've had just about enough
of this and I won't stand for it any longer.
So get your pens out and start taking notes.
Right. First thing. There's been far too much
ranting by so-called experts about what is and
what isn't a 'blog'. You people just don't get it, do you?
I'll tell you what a blog is. It's this. Understand?
Good. That's that one sorted. Now don't let me catch
you asking again.
Next point. Can you dictate a blog and still call
it a blog? Absolutely not. A blog...a blo - hang on - the
'record' button's got stuck here. Be with you in a sec.
A blog is from a person's heart. No - I said 'heart'.
I suggest you get your ears washed out. (And maybe
you mouth while you're there - there's absolutely no
call for that sort of vulgarity here.)
So. That's the end of today's lesson. Put your books
and leave quietly.
The subject of tomorrow's lesson is 'how to get rid of unwanted
blogs.' (Subtitle - 'Put another blog on the fire'.)
June 18, 2007
if you've got people queueing to buy from you,
should you be pleased?
On one level - yes. You've got the punters interested.
On another level - no.
Why?
Cos it aint pleasant to queue! So why should you expect
people to do it?
Often when I'm queueing, the vendors won't even
establish eye contact until it's my turn for service.
Why?
Perhaps they're just not desperate for business?
So what is this? Smugness? Ignorance?
Or maybe just culture. People in the UK put up with
queueing. Like they put up with poor food and
poor service in restaurants.
What do you think?
March 23, 2007
Steve won Masterchef. Yay! I had my money on him so I was happy. And proud of myself for sticking with the show all the way through, despite telling myself I wouldn't. About halfway through this drawn-out television cookoff, frustration really set in. Nothing to do with the quality of the cuisine and the cullinery talents on show. They were fantastic. No - the big put-off for me was one word and its derivatives. Passion. Passionate.
Judge: "So tell me about what this competition means to you, Suzie." Contestant: "It means everything. I'm passionate about food." (Judges exchange smiles - this, apparently was what they wanted to hear.) Next competitor - same thing. He's passionate about food. Cooking is his passion. Passion, passionate, passion passion passion....aaargh! But - it didn't put off Greg and John - the mentoring judges. To them it seemed the word was passionfruit coulis on a bed of seasonal passion flower leaves. They lapped it up. And so the passionate declarations continued - right into the usual tearful playoffs. The losers cried because they were passionate. The winner exulted breathlessly about how much it meant - food was his passion, after all.
Let us lament the passing on of 'passion'. 'Passion' RIP. Such things happen- words die (and are sometimes reborn in unexpected ways). But in the meantime can we agree -as a mark of respect - to stop using the bloody word?
March15, 2007
I believe in Gremlins.
You know - those mischievous creatures that get into your technology and stuff it up on purpose? Otherwise, how do you explain what happened at our place last week? First my watch packed up. A couple of hours later the imac shut down. Then the 'personal digital assistant' (aka personal organiser) stopped working. All of these things one after the other - was it just coincidence? I don't think so. But these events were only warm-up acts for the big one - broadband shutdown. One minute we were wired and humming- in touch with the world. A second later we were Robinson Crusoed, google-less and alone. It was pretty scary.
I did get it running again, after a morning and half an afternoon on the phone to Bangalore, Bristol and BT.
So don't tell me Gremlins don't exist. They do. And not the Steve Spielberg ones either. The characters that invaded us don't go to the cinema or indulge in communal bathing or any of that made-up stuff. Our Gremlins were the proper animated Disney versions who only have one purpose - to cause heartbreak and havoc by waging military campaigns on machinery.
The good news? The little critters don't seem too keen to tamper with equipment that's brand new. Funny about that.
March 8, 2007
I love solutions. They're wonderful
for problems, I find. Got a problem?
Look for a solution. Great.
I'm just tired of the word itself. There are
a lot of products and
services in the marketplace. And the trouble
is, over 90% seem to be called 'solutions'.
One of the keys to great marketing is
being different. So why not use words that say
you're different?
If you need help,
get in touch. I've got just the solution for you. Oops!
